So, White Boy Muslim Pacifist Who Supports Free Speech and Pluralism: How's That Work?

Over the past four years or so, I've gradually come to terms with the fact that I was a closet Muslim. It all started some time in middle school when I first read the Qur'an. I hated it. A few years later, I picked it up again in high school. I still hated it. Finally, when I reached full adulthood, I came to see Islam not just as a backwards religion with a religious text I found laughably terrible; I also believed it was the most dire threat Western civilization has ever known. I followed blogs such as Jihad Watch, Gates of Vienna, and Atlas Shrugs quite confident in the knowledge that Islam's texts supported an ideology that was wholly unsuited to free people in the Western world. In short, I had bought into a manufactured conceptualization of the world as being divided into the West (us, the good guys) and the Islamic world (them, the bad guys). Famously, I once told someone that if I found a Muslim dying in the street, I wouldn't stop to help him. Why should I help him? He's part of a grand, global conspiracy to overthrow the world!

This continued for some years until I started to notice a curious trend among these bloggers: They all claimed to be the guardians of the West and the elements that fall within its rubric, chiefly free speech and pluralism. I agree with this stance even to this day. What struck me was their apparent hypocrisy, particular in support of one Geert Wilders. For those unaware, Wilders is a Dutch politician who has made a political career out of his very vocal opposition to Islam and immigration from Muslim majority countries. Just how vocal is Wilders? Well, he has stated in an open letter that he wants to ban the Qur'an for being hate speech. It was at about this time that it fully dawned on me that I was simply following the wrong path and that I was becoming what I hated. The Muslim fundamentalists were indeed a grave threat to free people, but what sort of response do they deserve and is their brand of fundamentalism uniquely Islamic?

I did some soul searching on this, and I decided to revisit the Qur'an again to study its contents along with tafseer. In addition to reading it again, I decided for the first time that I should listen to the work as intended. The word "Qur'an" literally means "recitation", and the work is intended to be heard and not merely read. So, I figured there was no harm in listening to a few ayat (verses), right? I typed in some parameters in google for youtube selections of Qur'an recitations and this was the first one I got.

I was quite taken, not just with the child's voice, but by the fact that such a work could be recited in such a manner in a decidedly repulsive language. In fact, I cried a bit, it touched my heart. Being an atheist at the time, I felt a little ashamed of myself for getting so teary eyed. So what if the reading was heart felt and emotional? "This doesn't mean anything", I told myself. However, the seeds of belief were planted. In my heart, I started to believe from that moment on and I continued my study of the Qur'an. The text still presented some material that was difficult for me to accept, including violent verses as I had read on my various blogs. One of the worst offenders was the fifth aya of surah al-Tawba  which reads in Yusuf Ali's translation:

"But when the forbidden months are past, then fight and slay the unbelievers wherever ye find them, an seize them, beleaguer them, and lie in wait for them in every stratagem (of war); but if they repent, and establish regular prayers and practise regular charity, then open the way for them: for Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful. "


Chilling, taken from this context it would sound as if Allah (subhana wa t'ala) had granted his believers carte blanche to make war on "unbelievers". Most blogs and authors critical of Islam just remove the latter portion of the verse about accepting Islam. If they do include it, it's part of their story on forced conversions. However, closer analysis of the text reveals that it is not against "unbelievers":


 
 Fa-itha insalakha al-ashhuru alhurumu faoqtuloo almushrikeena haythu wajadtumoohum wakhuthoohum waohsuroohum waoqAAudoo lahum kulla marsadin fa-in taboo waaqamoo alssalata waatawoo alzzakata fakhalloo sabeelahum inna Allaha ghafoorun raheemun


The word "unbeliever", kafir, is nowhere to be found. Mushrikeen is the key word, and it refers to specific Meccan polytheists. In essence, the verse is directed to SPECIFIC Muslims to fight a SPECIFIC battle against SPECIFIC polytheists who launched a campaign of terror against the Muslims. If your people are being martyred and otherwise oppressed for expressing their religious conviction, it makes sense to resist them. If this is commanded by God, then by all means do so. Personally, I haven't received any revelations and I don't know anyone who has. This is why I have established myself as a pacifist, and why I do not feel it is in opposition to Islamic values. By extension, this is how I feel that Christians or Jews can (and should) embrace pacifism despite past Biblical accolades for genocide against specific groups. 


So, with this new outlook in mind, I started to reconsider Islam and Muslims. I began to believe that Muslims were like any other brand of monotheists. By definition, monotheism is intolerant. If you believe that "there is no god but God", all other deities are automatically false. If Islam has appropriated pagan beliefs (and it has), it has done so in the same tradition that Christianity and Judaism did before it. The nature of monotheism is that it is a natural progression from polytheism onto henotheism and finally onto monotheism. Worship of one deity makes sense, because it becomes extremely difficult to continue to please a large pantheon. In the case of the Arabs, over 300 idols existed within the Kaaba (auhodbillahi min al shaitan ir-rajeem), including one of Allah (subhana wa t'ala). 


I continued to study the Qur'an in earnest and I felt as if I believed, but I continued to have disbelief in my heart surrounding the revelation. How could I accept such a religion that I had hated previously? How could I go from being an atheist to being a Muslim? This strong disbelief in my heart kept me from accepting Islam, but I did continue to ask Allah (subhana wa t'ala) to remove doubt from my heart. So strong was this disbelief, that I felt it unwise to take shahada and express a disingenuous sentiment. I began to carry the Qur'an with me, reading it on the bus while I traveled to work. This normally had a polarizing effect on the other riders, any who recognized what I was reading would often move to other seats. One day, however, a very special rider came on the bus.


About three and a half years ago or so, I had an encounter with a man I hope (insh'allah) to meet again to thank him for his generosity. The public transit in Houston is not very well attended. I knew all of the bus drivers and all of my fellow riders. It was typically the same ten or people each day. On this day, however, a stranger rode with us. He was a tall, powerfully built man who had arms lined with tattoos. Upon seeing me in the back, he immediately sped towards me with a stern look on his face. I quickly lowered my head back onto reading the Qur'an, hoping as usual that I would glean some new bit of knowledge that would grant me access to full belief and also hoping that I would not be bothered by this intimidating looking stranger. Instead, he looked down at me and upon noticing that I was reading the Qur'an he greeted me with the salaam and a handshake.


"As salaamu alaikum. Are you a Muslim?" He asked. 


"No, I'm not a Muslim. I'm reading from the Qur'an and I want to believe but I am an atheist and I can't bring myself to it. I want to take shahada, but in my heart I still have disbelief".


He sat down next to me and said, "That's your problem. You haven't taken shahada. Once you take shahada, all else will come to you." 


My stop was near, it was time for me to leave. I thanked the man, who remained nameless, and I exited the bus changed. It was from that moment on that I truly felt belief. What struck me later, was that this man who came from a background completely different from my own had something in common with me that transcended our racial or social differences. Indeed, I later came to discover that Muslims are all made to be equals in their prayer. Rich or poor, black or white, you humble yourself before God. Two days later, I went to a masjid during a class on Islam, and I took shahada in front of about thirty people.


There's a problem with Islam today. This is something fundamental and undeniable for any Muslim, no matter how deeply you feel that the religion has been perfected. While the religion may have been perfected, its adherents have not. This blog is dedicated to the Muslim unicorns, those rare Muslims who are speaking out against religious atrocity, extrajudicial "justice", and terrorism. I want others, both Muslims and non-Muslims, to understand that all of us are imperiled by fanatics of any ideology. If we seek to truly spark discussion and find mutual coexistence, we need to talk about it without polemics or inculcating hatred for the 'other'. It's up to us, that's why I'm writing this blog to tell my side of the story. In it, I will be advocating:


Religious law, such as shari'a, is not a valid legal system for the modern age as the sole governance of any country. Even Saudi Arabia.


Violence as a means to achieve religious aims may have been used by various prophets under direct supervision from an omniscient deity. This does not give us license to do the same.


Secularism is the key to Muslim reform.


Apostates or blasphemers cannot be executed in a just, modern society. If you disagree with their hurtful commentary, show them a better way through honest debate.


Plenty of this will be opposition to various hadith collections. Great. We need to carefully analyze the contents of these documents and assess whether these reports are valid, fabrications or just plain not fit for society outside of the Middle Ages. I welcome all comments and lively debate from Muslims and non-Muslims alike.